The purpose of this post is to hopefully show a great comeback from rock bottom, because that's where I am right now. The low point in my 35 years is now. I've survived an abusive marriage and a ton of money problems, and I gotta believe I'll survive this too. But MAN am I tired of being strong! Give me weak and easy, I'd be cool with that for now!
Bono's Birthday is today! My favorite band. This is my favorite song from them; if I had to pick a song that accurately represents me, this is it.
It's called Summer Rain.
It's not this bad, I just really really love this blog and she's just gone through some bad times: MAKE SURE you read at least one other thing besides the "Adventures in Depression" posts! I like the Dog one. Hyperbole and a Half
This has been a crazy week. Lots of good, one really bad. In that I lost my job. I don't really get the details, basically they waited until I was no longer on FMLA even though I tried to get back to work before it was out, and then said since I was no longer on FMLA they were letting me go. My therapists and doctors filled out a lot of paperwork for them, all saying I can go back. HR kept coming up with weird next steps that I had to do, which I now see were probably stalling tactics. YES I'm confident I can do the job now, I honestly don't know what the problem is. I'm healed enough that I'm confident that I could even do surgery. I wish I had the opportunity to show them I'm okay now, I miss it. But I don't know where to go from here.
SO what to do?? Honestly, I'm scared, and hurt, and incredibly sad. It's the icing on the cake for me, everything I built has come crashing down. I wanted to be a vet all my life - since I was seven years old - and I can't even afford working in private practice because of my mega student loans. Can't leave the state easily because I have a kid with aforementioned ex-husband, and of course I'm still healing from this broken neck business.
I read something on Facebook recently that said something to the effect of if you don't believe it will be okay, you don't trust life enough. It's true, I don't, and I have a hard time trusting it will be okay.
Nic said if it's not working to trust God right now, trust in how strong I am. That helps.
My awesomest friend Jess said there are 2 type of people, those that are good at adapting and blending in and going along with things, and those that are determined to get what they want. The world needs both types. Her analogy was that if we were stranded on a desert island she would be the type that blends in with the natives and became part of their culture, and I would be the type to build a boat and find a way to get back where I wanted to be. That's how she knows I'm going to be okay. I think Nic is the 1st type too, along with her. It works. My life is still together because of him.
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| Jess & Me |
ON to the good things!!!
I'm 99% walking with a cane now! It doesn't help me walk correctly but it does help with my balance. And is sooo much more easy to carry around! And hug people! And shoo away pets and children and things! Hooray!
500y swimming this week! If ya think that's tough, try doing it as a paraplegic! Gogglesss! ;) (I forgot them)
Follow my progress! NOLA RnR 2014 Training Log
I attended the 1st time trial of the season by Precision Bikes. I sucked at cycling when I started racing, but this was always a fun time even though I came in last! It Was Great; I met quite a few people there. The awesome chiropractor Keith Terro, Ruud Vuijsters the PT, badass Jamie Scott whom came to visit me in the hospital (I don't really remember!,) and equally badass Aimee Copeland that had done my x-rays (I also don't remember). Also there was Stanley Lerille (vote for him HERE to go to Kona!) and Scott Coco that I met when I was still in a wheelchair, and Amanda Cole whom I just bought some cycling stuff from the day before, my first since getting mashed up, Mark Miller of course,and a TON of other people.You should come out next time - the Corner Bar ya'll!
Nic's sister Laura Zaunbrecher & her boyfriend Charles Garabedian went to see Frank Shorter talk. They got him to sign this great picture of us at the finish line! Frank Shorter had cheered us on and handed me my walker. SO stoked about it!!
BikeLafayette's Jen Steele and I were on KATC promoting the "Ride of Silence," a world-wide event that honors cyclists that were hit or killed on roadways. I'm one of the honorees this year, along with other really great people. May 15th 7PM at the Mickey Shunick Ghost Bike memorial!!
Have a happy weekend! Go listen to some U2!
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