Heading out to Franklington today to see the start of an ultramarathon tomorrow. Cesar Torres, the race director for Q50 Races, has invited me to be the guest of honor along with Arturo Barrios who is a multiple gold medalist and has held several world records. I'm incredibly honored and stoked to be able to be a part of this international race. It's going to be a good end to an already (awesomely) tumultuous week!
Ya'll, for those of you who don't live here, this was Mardi Gras week, and while it's been the coldest and wettest Mardi Gras I can remember, I took advantage of the time and went on a bit of a refreshing mental journey, visiting some old haunts and friends of mine that helped me get back to myself again. I listened to my ancient Alice in Chains Dirt cd the entire trip, cut up and licked wounds with high school friends I hadn't seen in years, and spent a lot of time on my own (I can be very much a loner for being so social, ha! All about balance.) in some of my own personal spots as a teenager. What I accomplished was a more intense sense of self back. I gave up a lot along the way of getting what I wanted out of life, and it feels good to be back in touch with some parts of me I left on the wayside. A lot I've transformed, for better or worse. It feels human to reconcile back with that old self. I'm in this awesome place where I'm learning to combine the skills and confidence I've developed over the years with the purity of just being me and not dealing with all the complications that I find myself struggling with now. It can be soooo easy - just do what feels good and don't worry about what society thinks, you honestly do know what's best for you. That's a hard concept for me, but this week is going far in learning to love life again.
I say "again". But I've always loved life. I guess I mean instead, going easier on myself. I'm hurt worse than I like to admit. I'm slow walking, and I can't move or feel the way I want to. But this is not my fault, and I'm recovering more than anyone thought possible. I'm doing awesome for what life has handed me. I am incredible despite this injury. I can overcome anything.
A guy I met, Scott Sharp, had said to me that he has a sense of superiority for surviving this (he also has an incomplete spinal cord injury) and that it may come across as weird but I have been given the ultimate physical challenge and 10 years from now I'll understand. I say maybe. I'm not there yet, but I see his point, and it's a game-changer for how I view things.
But ya'll I'm rambling. Right Now, I've gotten things different in my head. I'm determined like never before. This is the strongest I've been. You'll see.
Physically, well I found out yesterday I have my nutrition all screwed up. I've felt dull and tired now for a few weeks, like being sick but just really lethargic all the time. My personal trainer sat down with me and did a full analysis of what I am eating vs what I should be eating, and yeah, not enough carbs or calories in general. I don't know what the deal is. I think I'm working on building muscle more than ever before and I'm just not used to the caloric requirements. But he gave me some specific guidelines to go by and I'm starting some intense food documenting so hopefully I'll be back on track soon.
As a heads up, Nic and I are slowly and amicably untangling ourselves from each others lives. No big sudden changes. It's not even worth discussing, just letting you know.
Races and New Orleans this weekend!
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