Summer Rain...Happy Birthday BONO!!

The purpose of this post is to hopefully show a great comeback from rock bottom, because that's where I am right now. The low point in my 35 years is now. I've survived an abusive marriage and a ton of money problems, and I gotta believe I'll survive this too. But MAN am I tired of being strong! Give me weak and easy, I'd be cool with that for now!

Bono's Birthday is today! My favorite band. This is my favorite song from them; if I had to pick a song that accurately represents me, this is it.
It's called Summer Rain.

It's not this bad, I just really really love this blog and she's just gone through some bad times: MAKE SURE you read at least one other thing besides the "Adventures in Depression" posts! I like the Dog one. Hyperbole and a Half

This has been a crazy week. Lots of good, one really bad. In that I lost my job. I don't really get the details, basically they waited until I was no longer on FMLA even though I tried to get back to work before it was out, and then said since I was no longer on FMLA they were letting me go. My therapists and doctors filled out a lot of paperwork for them, all saying I can go back. HR kept coming up with weird next steps that I had to do, which I now see were probably stalling tactics. YES I'm confident I can do the job now, I honestly don't know what the problem is. I'm healed enough that I'm confident that I could even do surgery. I wish I had the opportunity to show them I'm okay now, I miss it. But I don't know where to go from here.

SO what to do?? Honestly, I'm scared, and hurt, and incredibly sad. It's the icing on the cake for me, everything I built has come crashing down. I wanted to be a vet all my life - since I was seven years old - and I can't even afford working in private practice because of my mega student loans. Can't leave the state easily because I have a kid with aforementioned ex-husband, and of course I'm still healing from this broken neck business.
I read something on Facebook recently that said something to the effect of if you don't believe it will be okay, you don't trust life enough. It's true, I don't, and I have a hard time trusting it will be okay.
Nic said if it's not working to trust God right now, trust in how strong I am. That helps.
My awesomest friend Jess said there are 2 type of people, those that are good at adapting and blending in and going along with things, and those that are determined to get what they want. The world needs both types. Her analogy was that if we were stranded on a desert island she would be the type that blends in with the natives and became part of their culture, and I would be the type to build a boat and find a way to get back where I wanted to be. That's how she knows I'm going to be okay. I think Nic is the 1st type too, along with her. It works. My life is still together because of him.

Jess & Me

So I need a job. For reals this time. Even if it's a new profession. I want to work.

ON to the good things!!!

I'm 99% walking with a cane now! It doesn't help me walk correctly but it does help with my balance. And is sooo much more easy to carry around! And hug people! And shoo away pets and children and things! Hooray!
500y swimming this week! If ya think that's tough, try doing it as a paraplegic! Gogglesss! ;) (I forgot them)
Follow my progress! NOLA RnR 2014 Training Log

I attended the 1st time trial of the season by Precision Bikes. I sucked at cycling when I started racing, but this was always a fun time even though I came in last! It Was Great; I met quite a few people there. The awesome chiropractor Keith Terro, Ruud Vuijsters the PT, badass Jamie Scott whom came to visit me in the hospital (I don't really remember!,) and equally badass Aimee Copeland that had done my x-rays (I also don't remember). Also there was Stanley Lerille (vote for him HERE to go to Kona!) and Scott Coco that I met when I was still in a wheelchair, and Amanda Cole whom I just bought some cycling stuff from the day before, my first since getting mashed up, Mark Miller of course,and a TON of other people.You should come out next time - the Corner Bar ya'll!

Nic's sister Laura Zaunbrecher & her boyfriend Charles Garabedian went to see Frank Shorter talk. They got him to sign this great picture of us at the finish line! Frank Shorter had cheered us on and handed me my walker. SO stoked about it!!

BikeLafayette's Jen Steele and I were on KATC promoting  the "Ride of Silence,"  a world-wide event that honors cyclists that were hit or killed on roadways. I'm one of the honorees this year, along with other really great people. May 15th 7PM at the Mickey Shunick Ghost Bike memorial!!

Have a happy weekend! Go listen to some U2!

FREEday Update!

What a Week! Our Heroine is Not back at work yet, she STILL is stayed by paperwork red tape! She Was, However, okayed to drive! She says, "Just Locally, but MAN will that help! This week proved she can take care of Snakebyte all on her own again, she can Accomplish independency in life, and is Well on the road to feeling like her Old Self again. Not to mention, Walking! From Facebook: "Totally, Our Heroine walked in therapy. No cane, nothin. She says, this Does Not mean she'll be able to do it consistently for even maybe Months, but it Does Foreshadow being able to do it consistently in even maybe Months."(The scribe meant Today instead of Totally!)

With this comes Internal Struggles. She says, "I AM extremely lucky, blessed, and All of it; it could have been so much worse! I keep feeling I should have been Dead or Hurt Worse, like I'm a walking miracle, and that's so so tough because I've met SO many people that will never have the opportunities I do. (And it's True; a Broken Neck would have been a death sentence without modern Medicine!)
"BUT this is where the hard part comes in. In order to move forward, I can't let all this define Me. The sadness of Other People's plights should not stop me from Moving Ahead with recovery. I cannot get "Used" to being disabled and start identifying myself That Way.
"Life could have been Worse for me. It is Time to Accept that, and Move On."

The Devil's Courthouse, North Carolina

Up there is where I first told Nic I loved him!

Life ain't just great for me. I have to drive with my left leg, probably for a while to come. I can't type with all the fingers on my right hand because of tendonesis. Pianoing is hard because of this too. I still have a very diminished sense of feeling in the lower half of my body. My legs are Always tight and pulling and crawling - I wonder if they'll ever relax! I don't know if my blood pressure or heart rate will ever be where I can race again (this point is hard; I'm determined it will though it's something I can't control!) I am definitely sweating again, and I'm going  to pretend that it will be to a point where I can thermoregulate.
Actually I'm determined to get ALL of it back. This is scary, what if it doesn't happen? There are things I can't control. I right now for me have to believe I'll get that back too. Quickly. This year. It's so easy to think that I shouldn't but I guess that doesn't really matter. Like any injury, some people can be crippled for life by an incredibly close or similar injury than someone who can be completely normal again. I have an Incredible amount of challenges, some people I know had barely any. Many had so many more. So I fall in between.
HA I'm struggling with this so much! I guess because I feel guilty and scared all at the same  time.

Meanwhile, balancing as much as I can! Falling because my therapist says it's teaching my ankle to balance. Learning how to work with diminished senses. Strengthening. Living.

Tiny Speckled Kingsnake at my house yesterday!

Frrrrryyyyyddddaaaayyyyy!!!!

Maybe I'll fry something today? Maybe there are baby fish today?

I changed the blog title! And some other stuff! Still a bit more work to do! I don't like the background color. Comments/suggestions appreciated!

So we DID get to go to the Holi Festival last weekend, yay!!! I didn't realize how tired I must look all the time. or how bad my posture has become, until I saw the pictures. BUT, I'm working on it!!

Snakebyte, Nic, and Ji. Liam HAD to show you his shoes!

Matt & Emily

Silly! Oh, man, I love this guy!

We gave a talk to the Rotary Club of Lafayette North this week. It was a great honor because they organized a blood drive to help pay for my medical bills. These are Wonderful people and they do So Much for the community. Besides for being HUGE advocates for the cycling community, they're also working hard for polio eradication. I'll post more on that later.I was incredibly happy to meet them.

Awesome!

I also went Swimming this week! At Chris Pool. This is a program run by the Lafayette paralympics coordinator, and they meet twice a week. And I Could Freestyle!! My core is still weak, my right knee won't bend as much as it should, and my hands won't listen, but I could totally do it. SO stoked!

Earl J Chris Pool

PS: I HAVE BIKE COURT NEXT WEEK!

This is for the tickets I received. I pleaded Not Guilty. Wednesday, 8:30a.

Dr. Terro (chiropractor) is continuing to work with me, and PT/OT is getting harder it seems because I can actually work at it, which is rockin'. I can bend my knee even more now and I'm remaining hopeful it will be normal soon. This is big news. My hands are Definitely coming along, definite improvement, just soo slowly!

Me, I'm Exhausted. I've been sick, and all my muscles are achy. Therapy is *finally* where I can build a lot of muscle & it's tiring (in a good way.) Swimming is awesome & also wears me out. At home I'm doing Pilates on my own every day and yoga through the guidance of my friend Julie.
There's also arguing with social security now which is draining. They denied my claim from over 5 months ago. I hope to be able to go back to work for good, but I don't know if my fingers will ever get back to normal. If I go back to work they probably will deny my appeal. If I don't, my leave will run out & I'll start losing money.

Sheesh. I want to just give in & learn to live with my lot in life, but I figure, once you really really realize that life's unfair, you have no choice but to continue to work hard to get to being happy. It's tough, but ain't nothing more to livin than tryin!

If you're in Laffy, go to FestiVÉLO de Lafayette in Parc Sans Souci this Sunday! April is Bike Month in Lafayette and FestiVÉLO is the kickoff party. I'll be there!!!

Did I mentioned I was stoked about swimming???? :)

Have an awesome weekend!!

A Bit About Nic(k)

I get to write this now because Nic's still sleeping! ;) Pretty safe to say it'll take him a while to see it because he tends to shy away from social media!

Can't mention Nic without mentioning these guys! Check them out!

First I have to start with me. I already had my checklist out on what requirements the next man in my life had to fulfill: gentle, interesting, smart, hopefully artistic (I'm not at all; pure scientist!,) good family, likes kids and animals. I had been through enough with an abusive ex-husband and I wasn't going through all that again. I got my priorities straight by realizing where I had gone wrong and getting it right - most of all I had to learn that I was kind of awesome! I accomplished this mainly with book recommendations from yogi and therapist friends. Codependent No More and Beyond Codependency by Melody Beattie, The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker, and Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach are all good ones.

Nic Loves kittens! This is Tesla.

I met Nic when a mutual friend purposely introduced us at his brother Matt's house during the weekly Poker Night. Nic was living out of state at the time so we talked on the phone a lot. I think this was incredibly key to our relationship starting out right! He visited Lafayette several times a year because he has family here. We also met up with each other in several different places, so when he moved back to Lafayette we already had a good base.

Heart & Horseshoe in Asheville, North Carolina

Hiking a mountain in upstate New York

Widener Library, Harvard

Nic has 4 incredible siblings, a big loving family, and sweet wonderful friends. He avidly climbs mountains and has been a pronounced canoe racer. Nic's finishing his PhD in Communication & works as a professor teaching public speaking. After completing his Bachelors in Philosophy and English at UL of Lafayette on scholarship and with Honors, he hitchhiked around the country for a couple of years. He decided to do a dissertation in Improvising (he acts, but his love is improvising) and contacted universities until he found one that let him choose his own path, SIU Carbondale.

NIC LOVES IMPROVISING. He's great at almost everything he does, but he's really this big-time "improvier" & his dissertation is in improvising in the real world. Or something like that, I don't really understand it. A big reason why I love him! He started out in Cult of the Stage Monkey  ("COSM") which is an improvisational group that can be found at several universities now (look for them! here's their Facebook page.) He does work here with The Stage Monkeys of Lafayette, a professional troupe born from COSM, and he hopes to bring improvising to universities around the country.

Nic & his troupe

Nic is a natural runner like the rest of his family. He had not even trained for this race before we did it, and he still finished 13.1 in 2:49, pushing a wheelchair at that! Crazy. He stays busy making sure Snakebyte gets to school and I get to therapy, but he still manages to stay awesome. There's so much more I want to brag about on him, but I'm out of time!

I told you he has a fast an awesome family!