Wednesday, October 19, 2016

A Tale of Two Watches

Do you remember this post from 3 years ago? Okay OKAY I need a new watch already
Well you should be proud, because I finally got one.
Do you remember this post from 4 months ago? About My Friend Billy
Well Billy would be proud, because I replaced it with his watch.

You didn't think I would actually BUY a replacement, did you? You know me better than that by now! Things need to mean something sometimes. Billy had given it to Liam, but the kid has his own, and I needed one in the clinic. So, it's on loan as long as I use it ;)
And now Billy's indirectly helping better the lives of dogs and cats. I think he's probably content with this arrangement. I am.

Sunday, July 17, 2016


You guys have followed my training for a half marathon. You then unknowingly followed me through major depression and huge change. I always knew the hardest wouldn't be when I was still newly injured; the hardest part is going to be dealing with the chronic issues. I wasn't get any faster, not getting anywhere in life, personal blow-after-blow... I got crazy down. Out of shape. I kept pushing, failed dramatically when I ran for office. Kept pushing, found a loving relationship that failed because I had to move. Kept pushing, and guess what? I made it.

I had to move to the Woodlands, TX. I got offered a full-time job here, and it's got a good school district and a safe place for me and my kid to live. I was so sad that I could not make Louisiana work. But despite all that not wanting to move, knowing that I was moving away from so much that I loved, things are good! I am a veterinarian again, I can perform minor surgeries again, my son is stable and happy and excelling in school. We live in a nice house in a nice neighborhood. We're calm and happy. My job is basically a 9-5. I am making more money than I ever have in my life. I have huge bills to pay from the last few years, and I am good at staying humble, but, we're good! I'm good. I don't even know how to explain it. All of a sudden, we're just, good!

My dad and his cousin Lilasara came to visit for a few days. Yay family! And I have a house that I can host people in! We went horseback riding. My first time on the trails since I was hurt. I've been riding before with my Pilates/Franklin Method instructor Alyce, but that was only supervised in a ring. I was so apprehensive of going out, as weak as my injury makes me and now I'm so out of shape. I did it anyway and guess what? I made it.

I texted my PT Wulf Thoma, the superhero that helped me walk again, about my accomplishment. He said what's next, mountain climbing? Wulf loves to mountain climb, as he is from Bavaria. I said Yes! I'm on Cloud 9 from horseback riding, what would you expect from someone as driven as me. He asked if I needed a guide. WELL. Yes, yes I do. I made tentative plans to mount climb in Bavaria next year.

So less than 24 hours later I joined and had my first lesson at a climbing gym. And you know what? Holy crap I have a long journey! I don't even know if I can really do it, with the limited grip strength in my right hand, and proprioception of my right ankle... BUT, this is exactly what I need. Maybe 2 years, Wulf! But I've been every day except yesterday, and I'm just getting more obsessed. They have free yoga for members - something else I suck at. Snakebyte though is taking to the rock walls like a fish, and it is so cool to have something we can both do together.

My friend Clay, who I've never actually met in person, has been fantastic in helping me. We met over Instagram, and he has a very similar injury to mine. He has now challenged me to hanging off the pull-up bar with a goal of 10s - we both used to be able  to do multiple pull-ups, but the level of our spinal cord injury has made our grips soooo weak. He's beating me. But I'm at 6s Clay!
Clay has also sent me some stretching and strengthening moves particular to my injury. I started all that today. I ordered a TENS (electrical muscle stimulating) unit, and bought all kinds of omega 3 and B vitamins... Who the hell knows if I'll really be able to do it. But I've been here before, and this is where I'm happiest. I guess I always need mountains to climb in order to be motivated to do anything. It's a real character flaw.

There's a lot of sadness out there in my world that I can't control. People having shoot-outs with police in Baton Rouge, where I used to live and I still have connections to. Several friends have died; I told you about Billy. Also recently was Tonya and Lon and Tina, all way too soon. And there are people I love disappointing me again; though I've made far strides in accepting people where they are. I'm honestly truly concerned about the political environment.
But the things I can control. they're good. My kid is happy. My pets are happy I'm not sure I've ever been happier at a job.

So let me obsess over this. Maybe I'll fail and you'll have to help me scoop up my broken pieces off the ground, Again. But, it won't be for lack of trying.

I'm making a Google spreadsheet so you can track my progress again if you like. I promise lots of videos and photos. I'll take all the advice I can get. We'll see how it goes!

My son being awesome

Friday, July 8, 2016

I Love My Neighborhood Police Officer

Whoever you are, you'll find this story awesome.

Liam and I moved in March. He was playing at the park a couple of blocks down in our new neighborhood, alone. A concerned mom from another area didn't know who he was and called the police, worried that I may be a bad parent for letting my 9yo play at the park alone. The police came out and 2 cars followed my son, who was on his bike, home to check out my living situation. Liam couldn't stop to talk to a friend, play with a cute puppy, nothing. The officers were very nice to him and of course everything was fine, but my kid was unnerved by the whole incident. The officer put his number in my kid's phone in case he ever needed it.

The next day he returned. He parked his car in front of my house and let all the kids play in it. He said his car smelled like feet afterwards, ha! But now my son went from being the boy in the neighborhood that the cops followed to the cool kid that gave an opportunity for his friends to play in a police car.

That officer now checks up on us on a regular basis, and helped us during the flooding. I can't tell you how much better I feel knowing he's watching out for us.

Friday, June 17, 2016

About My Friend Billy

I haven't written this blog since I ran for office. I have a lot of catching up to do, and need to make my virtual book a real-life one, and yada yada yada, but my life has been crazy.

It's stable now. Normalizing. Feels weird. And awesome.

So I'm starting back by writing about somebody else, somebody who I just lost recently. Somebody who I can't get out of my head, but at the very least I know I can always find him deep in south Louisiana, in a place where almost nobody's heard of. I can always pull up a lawnchair next to his section of the wall and talk to him.

I met Billy after I had a broken neck and was helping BikeLafayette set a cycling route. He was helping too. I could not believe this tall lean muscular man had cancer! He told me that the chemo was making him sick, and so he stopped taking it. He wanted to enjoy the rest of his life. We became instant friends.

I was compelled to be standoffish with him at first. This is not usually my way; I'm usually full-forward gung-ho steamroll ahead and bulldoze down everyone. But, we were both in vulnerable spots. We both were struggling with our significant others not coping well with our ailments. I needed as little complication in my life as possible. It would be easy to fall into regret about that now; I missed out on a lot of time I could have spent with him. I can also say our friendship stayed healthy, and that is worth everything.

I ended up living alone with my son, and he ended up moving in with his parents. We did things with our kids; fishing, went out to eat, and to see movies. We went to Agave downtown Lafayette once. It was the first time he ever had fish tacos. He raved on them.

I haven't been able to eat fish tacos since. They remind me too much of him.

Rare photo when we took the kids fishing.
Billy was so busy hooking worms and unhooking fish that he
was the only one of us that didn't catch anything.

He stopped being able to ride his bike, or even travel all the way to Lafayette, and they came out with a different type of chemo so he started that. 43 is an awkward age to have cancer; your closest friends may shy away from it, and not be strong enough to handle all that you are going through. I think people get better in that respect as they get older.
I made it a point to go to his parents' house once a week. It was my Monday mornings with Billy. We were both crazy poor and I couldn't always make it. I ran for office to be able to stay in Acadiana, that started taking up all my time. I worked every other weekend out of state to stay afloat. I eventually had to move out of state. He died less than a month later. It was the saddest voicemail I ever got, Billy's daddy letting me know he passed.

My heart is still broken.

But enough of the framework.

Billy took this. Hummingbirds on the back porch.

Billy died of colon cancer in the prime of his life; a loving father, avid cyclist, fisherman... He could fix just about any vehicle you put in front of him. He was so good he could fix them over the phone. He was so good he could take a girl with a broken neck to walk around a junkyard and find things to fix her truck.
He had tremors since he was born, I think they were "essential tremors", but he never got them officially diagnosed. He did all that stuff even with his tremors. He laughed at them.
My friend was sweet and loving through the end. Very loud and outspoken on the topics he felt strongly about. Never wanted anything from anyone; hard-headed even in his worst pain. He was definitely a Cajun boy! He didn't speak Cajun (most of us don't; our grandparents were beaten in school for speaking it) but his parents do. His dad has a good relationship with the squirrel in the backyard and I'd swear she speaks Cajun. Their little dang Chihuahuas are so cute and smart too. T-Boy sings when certain songs come on, and growls and bites you if you say, "bath." Ha! We'd drink coffee, watch the birds, talk about the weather, and anything else. I had started going there to visit Billy, and those visits became the only solace I had in my life. It meant way more to me than I ever consciously knew. Know this, Billy, and I know you know. I visited as often as I could. I wish my life then was as stable as my life is now, just a few short weeks later. I wish we could have gone to the haunted trails in Scott like he wanted, and other things... I remember him calling me and telling me he knew he was going to die soon. He just knew it. Billy is not drama; it's one of the reasons we got along so well. My friend was dying. What do you say? There's no sugar-coating reality. That sucks man. At least, everybody you love knows you love them. And we love you. I wish things were different. Life's not fair. We're not perfect, but still, can't worry about what we get wrong. Life's too short, so fuck the haters.

Billy's daddy and his squirrel

I miss that guy more than I ever thought. We don't have one picture together, never thought about it. We knew each other less than three years. Life for us was always about living, not reflecting. He was so so much my partner-in-crime, my stability, my rock that was as tough and loving as me. Now I'm all alone. Without even me realizing it, he was the one person that shared everything I went through: all the pain, hurt, abandonment. Trying to be a parent and dealing with our children's feelings. How to still stay effective when society unknowingly casts you aside.
I don't know why I miss him so badly. I'm trying to figure it out; we saw each other at most once a week. There were other people in our lives. But for whatever reason, though I moved away and things are finally okay for me, I have a huge crazy void in my soul. I guess it's love. Whaddaya do. Love ya, Billy. I love you.

I'll always know where to find you now. So, we still have that.